I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, ExplodingSun56 I understand how you feel. I'm struggling with the same thing as well. I completely agree whith what SilverTrees has already wisely said better than I ever could. She's given you some great advice. I'd suggest to try to follow it if you can. It's not easy to decide what path to follow in our lives. We can just try to do our best and try to analyize ourselves. Try to figure it ouy what you really want to do and what's more important to you, whether you want to go to college or have a full time job. Both are valid options. You just need to do what you want to do for your life. I'm glad you're going to see a therapist soon. Perhaps you coul try to ask all of these questions to him/her. Hopefully he/she will be able to help you. From what you wrote it seems like you're trying to do your best. That's all you can do after all. Please don't give up. I'm sure you'll be able to get through all of this. You're a strong wonderful person, I know that. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this