Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
I asked if Mom had put him up to calling. He denied it. Then put her on the phone. Of course she put him up to calling because she wanted to call, but she is still playing phone games, and I know it.
She asked how I am and I told her I am getting divorced and have some serious health issues. She said she was no upset to hear about the end of my marriage, and that my health problems were not serious, I am fine. She just denies anything that does not suit her reality.
If someone who is rude (no doubt about it, I have texts to prove it), and they won’t even give an apology at the cost of a life long relationship with a sister— I’m sorry, but that’s just beyond.
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Tisha, I am sorry you don't have more support while you are going through your divorce. Of course the stress you are going through makes it harder to humor your mom.
My H talks to his mom every single evening (NOT suggesting you do this since you mom is upsetting). He puts her on his speaker phone and I talk to her too. We don't tell her about most of what is going on with our son. When she has learned about some of it--it makes her cry, etc. I do the same thing for my dad--I tell my brother and sister more than I tell my father about the situation. Why? I have noticed that at their advanced ages they can't handle stressful/sad news well. When people reach their 80s, as your mom has, I feel like they deserve some peace and that too much stress could push them into depression, etc. Your mom probably is worried about you in her own way.
Since your phone calls with your family are not supportive and you are still hurting from what happened--I would just leave things as they are (don't call). I am sorry you have no one from you FOO to confide in.
I am glad you are getting some support from your synagogue. Have you ever considered finding a divorcee support group? My therapist told me she hosts weekly meetings for people who are recently divorced or going through a divorce. You have said you have a friend who is supportive. When my sister was divorced--she found it to be a lifesaver that one of her friends had previously gone through a divorce. I do know that going through a divorce is not easy. Until it is finalized, there will be a lot of ongoing stress. On the positive side--your life will return to normal and you will be able to pursue your dreams and agenda more easily when it is all behind you.
It sounds like your family does not have the capacity to give you the support you need. I do not think you are a "shallow idiot" but I do think you obssess too much about what happened. If they are hateful, continue too walk away; however, in relationships it can be unhealthy to keep bringing up the same things from the past over and over. I know because there are a few things I predictably bring up with my husband when we are fighting. It never helps resolve anything when we bring up the past because we can't change it. Instead we have to deal with how people are treating us right now.
