I do sympathise with this Echoes. I am also middle aged, but only now growing up. Well, I hope I am.
Now I understand myself better, I have a chance of changing, now i understand about the disorder, but there wasnt a hope before and that wasnt my fault, I had been searching and willing all my life.

If this is any comfort to you, I'd say what you are doing is a true journey, and more than many people do, even though they may lead glamorous lifestyles.

Though, this is one of the reasons why I think its sad that we do therapy, as opposed to creating fellowships its this: in the fellowships, all ones experience is put to use. If you have had the experience of seeing a newcomer relax and feel releif as they listen to your own expereince, as you tell them the badstuff, and they feel relief because they feel less alone, then you know that this has been the opportunity to 'turn suffering into meaning', and it is truly fulfilling. But I left the fellowships, but I have been hoping to create a fellowship for those with this disorder, as I have talked about in some of my other posts. I cant imagine why there isnt already a fellowship for each of the disorders myself!

Would you consider writing your own expereinces, or even if there was some way that your experiences could be used to help others??
Anyway, thats the answer I have been trying to persue. Though I dont know it it will ever be realised. I have lost such a lot in my life, believe me. I'm in my 50s.

Heres one of my favourite quotes: </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
LIGHTING THE DARK PAST
“Cling to the thought that, in God’s hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have – the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them.

No longer is my past an autobiography, it is a reference book to be taken down, opened and shared. Today as I report for duty the most wonderful picture comes through. For, though the day be dark, as some days must be – the stars will shine even brighter later. My witness that they do shine will be called for in the very near future. All my past will this day be part of me because it is the key, not the lock.


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Best for now,
river