Quote:
Originally Posted by Gymgirl71
Let me clatify first...we have a designated day together which he never cancels. But, he will mention seeing me on another day which could be later that day or the following. The past two weeks he has cancelled on me. First time I understood, second time I felt it was lousy, but we made tentative plans where I told him if he wants to hang later, let me know. This isn’t his norm..ever since he started new job a month ago, his time has been limited so I’ve noticed he is more inclined to cancel if he wasn’t up to having company or going out. I get that, but if you make definite plans, keep them. Now, we have plans tomorrow and I’m trying not to be negative, but if he cancels again I need to really have a serious talk and let him know this behavior is not ok without over reacting. Right now, we only see eachother once a week because his new job is very demanding. His last job was more flexible, so sleeping over on a work night worked. We are planning on seeing eachother more often soon which he brought up..he’s just adjusting to his new lifestyle.
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you've answered your questions in two parts: first off you know the reasons for his change in lifestyle and that this is likely the cause of the reasons he is more willing to cancel
second you've found something that is not meshing, value wise between your friend and you. He does not think it as critical to stick to "plans" made all the time and that's no more or less right or wrong than your strict thinking that if you make a plan you stick to it no matter what. For me, your way of thinking would be far too rigid, though I am not saying it's wrong it's just the way you are.
Instead of viewing things as if your friend is entirely in the wrong and in a way offending you, why not see the fact that you view plans for meetings differently. He's more casual and laid back about plans and you are rigid. From this perspective perhaps you can approach him in a way that lets him know that you are a strict person with such things, without making him feel like he's "letting you down" and you'll be able to come up with a compromise that benefits both.