Quote:
Originally Posted by Lrad123
I’ve been committed in the sense that although I complain of my struggles about showing up to my sessions on this board and occasionally with my T, I pretty much always show up. Going feels almost threatening to me for some strange reason, yet I go because I made a commitment to myself a while ago that I would show up even if it’s uncomfortable because I believe that there may be something good in this. I’ve rearranged my work schedule (no small feat) in order to go twice/week. I can see how it looks like I’m not committed, but a way I think I’ve been quite committed.
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I have had the same internal struggle on and off dir the last few years and pretty much constantly for the last 9 months. It is hard. I use to discuss it with T whenever the thoughts were more intense. Usually it was because there was something really difficult in my personal life that I wanted to avoid talking to T about. There were also a few times where I wanted to cancel because we had had a misunderstanding and I was upset. They ended up being good appointments.
I find myself always want to quit now because of the grief or fear of attachment. We are also digging way deeper than T and I dis which is really painful especially since T isnt here to be my safety net.