I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I wish I had some creative suggestions for you. Unfortunately I don't. You wrote that you're falling apart. You feel like you'd like to be hospitalized. But you're scared people will think you're crazy. Sometimes, if a person is really struggling, the hospital is the right place to be. And you just have to not worry about what other people may think. What's important is that you do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

Of course I don't know what the psychiatric facilities are like where you live or if you could realistically be hospitalized. But, if it is an option for you, perhaps it's something to consider. (I've been hospitalized twice for mental-health-related concerns.) Please take care. And keep posting here on PC.