So my H called the pdoc for me. He said he tried last night but it was too late. He is really worried again. The other day he called me while he was at work at like 10am to check on me. He normally doesnt even have his phone at work and definitely doesnt call or text. Im not doing badly really except for the drinking. Thats definitely out of control.

She got me in tomorrow. Im happy I guess but thats a big trip on short notice and I have to change my schedule. Plus I dont feel ready to talk to her. I thought maybe she would squeeze me in next week not the next day.

Im really stressed out about this appt. I dont know what I will say. I am still upset that she wasnt there for my last one and never even called or anything. I havent been taking my meds half the time and obviously I am not supposed to be drinking especially the amount i am.

So Im upset with her, I havent done what I am supposed to, my mood is overall ok(I dont think I am manic or depressed) and I want her help but I dont think she, or anyone else, can help me. I dont see how this appt could go decently at all but I want it to.

I guess I dont have a real question but I wish someone could tell me how to make this appt go alright. I cant really afford to lose her as my psychiatrist because she is the only one I have trusted even a little. I dont really have any other option and Im afraid if this visit goes poorly I wont trust her at all anymore either. Or she will stop seeing me at all which would be a very horrible outcome. I would honestly rather see my gp but she doesnt have the extensive experience treating bipolar that my pdoc does. Pdoc specialized in mood disorders during residency so she does deserve my trust I think.