It's a scary feeling, the feeling that YOU yourself is someone you would have warned YOU about, I used to feel that me as a person was the loneliest, the most rejected, the person I wouldnt have anything to do with if I was me.....but my life has turned around, for the better, slowly, piece by piece....I, too have one night stands and cheat on people, yet don't know whether to call it cheating as the guy I,m dating has never asked for it to be exclusive....I believe we are all sexual beings, God created us this way, and do not feel so guilty...guilt can destroy you if you let it......why not make a list of your good points, why not to hate yourself, the things you want to work on, and tackle them ONE AT A TIME....you express yourself well, I can tell you have a lot going for you and you'renot a bad person at all........write us more........