I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Silk Chaos We can control what happens in our lives only up to a certain extent. However, what we can control are also our reactions to things. Even though we may feel discouraged or sad to certain events, we can still change our thought process and try to make it a little bit more positive. It's a lot of hard work, but it can be done. Please don't give up. All the others have already given great, wise advice so I won't repeat it too much. Take all the time you need. Just try to take one step at the time. Take baby steps. Try to do your best in life like you're already doing. That's all you can do. Remember that you and your life ALWAYS matters, no matter what your mind tells you. You deserve to live a good, fulfilling life just like everyone else does. Please don't give up. I'm sure you'll be able to get through all of this. Try to hang on. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, Silk Chaos. You're a strong, wonderful person