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These past few years have been rough. Real rough. I feel like every year gets a little worse. I don’t get it—I feel good ( I really do-- this medicine I think is working) but at the same time I just don’t. I’m worried, I’m neglectful of my duties... I don’t know how to explain how I feel. Part of me just wants to be in a mental institution—somewhere I am taken care of and I don’t have to worry for myself. That’s just my selfish way of saying I don’t want to deal with my life’s problems. That’s one of my biggest concerns – I run from my problems and never take time to deal with them. I just keep running and running and running… I ran to the other side of the world once trying to leave my problems behind. I know it never works, they always catch up with you. You have to face it eventually. I just keep saying “maybe tomorrow” or “I still have time.”
My life has a lot of slip ups in the last few years. I don’t know if I can ever actually recover from the damage I’ve done, on a social level. I have a hard time forgiving myself too. I can only say its been exacerbated by my illness(es?) and cause me to really break off from the world. I isolate and stay alone. After an incident a few years ago of being hacked I deleted all social media and decided it wasn’t worth it – so I don’t even have that. I have my four walls and my mind. I guess that’s enough to drive anyone crazy haha.
I’m sharing all this I guess because I just wondered how many others struggle with guilt, isolation, and inability to deal with issues in their life? How has bipolar made it that much worse for you? I really hope to see I’m not alone in all this.
Last edited by Anonymous48614; Mar 13, 2019 at 06:14 PM.
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