The last 10 years have been a struggle for me. Ten years ago I became 100%disabled by the military and social security. Then last year they made me totally and permanently disabled. So I was having severe lows with extreme depression and I had 2 manias this year as well. One of them I spent 35,000.00 on scratch offs in a week at a gas station. My wife of 16 years almost left me and we separated for 1 month. But I stopped drinking smoking gambling etc and have been very careful with my health like taking medicine always and using a sleep apnea machine and a light box. Everything is getting so much better now and I just have to focus on my health and I know it will continue. You are not alone , just take one day at a time one task at a time and don’t beat yourself up.