I feel horrible on all sides. At home, as a mother, a wife, and just a person being. YOu saw a bit of a happy side, I think. I don't know even if everything goes as planned, I don't know if I will be okay with that. I am depressed and miss my kids. I don't feel close to anybody. I want my H to be the partner to share things with. I want to be normal. Are you disappointed in me because I am still not teaching? I am. I see a bleak picture for myself right now, but that isn't anything new.

Something new: Weird. I stopped by the home and garden store and just walked around. I had this idea like two or three weeks ago, but I thought how great it would be if I could plut floors down in homes, put up backsplashes, do things like that. I would have a job and I would really know if I was doing well. IT sounds kind of stupid, but I've always wished I could just do things for my home myself. I'm so afraid of my changing moods that I am afraid that you are. I"m afraid you don't want to be here for me anymore because I gave up.

I have things i want to do them, but am not sure I can do them all like I said above. I want to move and make new friends and pretend that I am normal. I want my H to be interested in me again. I feel like a loser in every lane. I know this is all negatived. I added a few positive things.