Those are some pretty heavy feelings. Sounds like knowing about the joy of others during a time of not feeling joy is nagging at you. Have you been screened for post parthum depression? It can happen to anyone and it happens to many. Depression has a way about it that is just simply miserable to go through.

Sounds like your labor experiences were risky? Was the tube tieing something you desired to begin with or was it due to difficult labor or the power of suggestion by your obstetrician?

Going back to work, also seems to weigh heavy. Is there a chance that your family could manage on a single income? Is the job that you are returning to something you can juggle the demands of three and find time management to not over exhaust yourself?

So sorry you are feeling jealous and waging an internal battle. Sending you my support