It went pretty well thanks.

I was very stressed all day but my boss was ok with me changing shifts, I got my gp appt moved to later tomorrow so I dont have to leave the city quite so early and the pdoc appt went fine after the initial awkwardness wore off. Overall everything went ok. She apologized about the mixup of her vacation and said a few people didnt get rescheduled by her receptionist for some reason. We agreed that I would call the day before from now on to avoid any possibility of that ever happening again.

H came in with me because I was really nervous. He helped explain what had been going on because I didnt end up writing anything down for some stupid reason. I used a mood tracker before and it was helpful having sleep, mood, behavior, activities and thoughts all marked down. I should start using it again.

Pdoc thinks I should try AA for at least 6months to a year and see her weekly for that period as well. That seems like a lot and doing this trip weekly is too much for me right now so I agreed to try 2 weeks at least and see how that goes. They have nice day programs in the city but of course I dont qualify for those because its a different health region.

She said I am still so young and she really believes if I spend this year working on things and investing a fair bit of time that at 30 I can enjoy stability and not need to spend all my time in and out of the hospital and dealing with crises. If I look at how bad the last two years have been, and how much negative time there has been spending a few days a week working on positive things doesnt sound so bad.

I have to start over with the lamictal at 25mg so that sucks. Another couple months before I will be back at 100mg again. And she gave me diazepam to help with withdrawls in case. They only give 5 pills for that but hopefully I wont really need it anyway.

I was kind of thinking I would quit drinking tomorrow originally but that wont happen, if I dont do it today I wont do it tomorrow either. So I havent drank, its 10pm and I have been drinking by 4 most days with the last couple starting in the morning so Im doing well but its hard. I panic once in a while but I have made it through all of that so far. H agreed to not drink if I am not drinking again so that will help. He was quitting with me before but got sick of me drinking again anyway.

I just took my meds so that is day 1 of meds and no alcohol. Thats always the hardest for me at least for meds going back on them the first dose is the hardest to take for sure. Hopefully I will be strong enough to keep going.