Just wanted to say thank you.
I'm not ashamed of wanting love. I don't think. I feel needy for wanting love & often look for replacement care in friendship relationships that then don't match up to what I crave. But your post did put into words feelings that I have about not deserving love. The consequences of which are that I stay in an unhealthy marriage through not knowing what to do & friendships that I can't bear to break because they are toxic to me in the sense that I give too much, care too much, am too available in the hope that it will be reciprocated. And when it isn't I'm left depressed, angry, sad, hurt & actually, maybe it's a yes, ashamed & embarrassed that I might have come across as needing/wanting someone to care about me. & I come across that way because that is what I want. So yes. Ashamed of being needy. Thank you. I wish you well.