That is a real bummer, Innerzone! I'm sorry that special opportunity had to end so quickly. Such is life!

I saw my psychiatrist today. I won't go into all I yapped about. As I often do, I went off on a tangent. He sort of drew my attention to it. Anyway, I knew he wouldn't lower my Seroquel XR. Actually, even I know that wouldn't be a good idea right now. I sort of feel my spring upswing in its very early stages. I did ask if I could FINALLY go off the daily Ativan I've been weaning off at an extremely slow pace. He said to rather cut my current dose into half. That means cutting my 0.5 mg pills (the smallest dose possible) into four pieces, since I've been halving them to take 0.25 mg for a long time. Pills just don't cut into quarters very well. So I'm now on 0.14 mg. I'm not sure how long I'll be on that, but I don't think it's even possible to go lower, unless a lower dose is created at my pharmacy. Luckily, my pharmacy is a medication compounding center.

I don't know why he made a point to tell me he isn't in the office tomorrow and the next day. And yet he said he would be available by phone those days. Is that info just some miscellaneous FYI? Or did he tell me that for some more significant reason? I don't know. He did say that at some point in the near future he'd be taking a 2-week vacation. I'm not sure exactly when, but I think after April 17th. My next appointment with him (in a bit over 3 weeks) is April 5. That's the usual span between. Then another one follows only 2 weeks later on April 17. That's abnormal unless I'm very ill, which I'm not. It's funny, I was going to ask to reduce my visits to every 4-weeks instead of every 3-weeks, but I forgot. Now I'm a little paranoid. Does he think I am, indeed, on the rise, mood-wise? As said, I think I am starting my spring upswing, but it's not problematic at this point. Last year in mid to late May I was full-blown manic with brief psychosis. It was a really bad one! [Long story.] However, at that time I was on vacation with my husband in Portugal. The trip itself was a major trigger. I almost always get at least hypomanic when we go to Europe, but the time in Portugal was particularly triggering for me. I don't expect to be triggered that much this spring. We're not going anywhere.

Does anyone else tend to have spring upswings? Mine are pretty reliable and have been known to start as early as late February or at least sometime in May.

My psychiatrist asked me a super tough question based on something I told him. I had to ask if I could have a few weeks to think about it and answer it then. It's about a perception I have about my new therapist/psychologist. I really think that finding an answer would be highly helpful for me.