Quote:
Originally Posted by Silk Chaos
Thank you SilverTrees.
We just work in the same office building, but different suites. As an interesting aside, her ex-husband's office is right across the hall from mine. It must be incredibly uncomfortable for the two of them. He won't even look me in the eyes as we pass one another - that's a different discussion though.
My boss is going into semi-retirement in a few months, so the office will be closing and I won't be in the building anymore. I just need to deal with things until then.
I have been giving thought to volunteering a lot lately. Mostly because it is a way to meet people and hopefully develop new friendships. That's part of my problem, I don't have a lot of friends or people to talk to or do things with.
I definitely think of all of this as a learning experience. Mostly, I've learned that I need stronger boundaries and to respect myself more.
So, she wants to talk today and see if we can work things out to salvage the friendship. I wish that I was more shocked by this, but I'm not. Of course she wants the friendship, it was beneficial to her. It doesn't hurt her. She gains from it. So, this is where I have to think about and respect myself enough not to allow myself to remain in a hurtful situation. That is going to be super tough for me because I've never learned to do anything other than give people what they want.
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Thank you for sharing Silk Chaos. I wish you peace as you navigate the next few months. Hopefully it helps to know there's an end in sight with the building situation.
As for Z wanting to talk, I feel that you have two options. You could simply say: "No thank you. I don't feel there's anything left for us to talk about."
Or you can meet and hear her out and then simply wish her peace for the future. The first option would likely be easier for you to hold your ground particularly since you mentioned a strong tendency to want to please people.
Another thought: what is friendship? How would you define it? Think of an ideal friendship between two people...what happens, what doesn't happen etc You may even like to make a list on paper. Then compare that list with the dynamic between yourself and Z. I think that may help you to clarify things in your mind.
I think it's quite likely that if you and Z continue to meet and talk and interact, it would not exactly be a friendship....perhaps not a healthy one anyway. Does that make sense? Zero judgment here. Just trying to support you and help you think it through.
I would discourage you from trying to interpret Z's internal state and motivations. We really can't know what is in another person's mind or soul. And endeavoring to try to determine that often just burns our energy and does not bring us peace. Keep bringing your focus back to you and your needs for a happy and healthy life.

She will figure out her own life in her own way. You can quietly wish her well without getting into her "stuff" if you see what I mean. The more you strengthen your sense of Self (volunteering, making new friends, spending time alone) the less of a pull you'll feel toward Z.
Good luck!