Oh, man, spending time by myself is part of my problem. I spend way too much without interacting with others. I sit in my office all day without seeing anyone for hours, and then I go hope and work on my fledgling business in silence for hours.

I really don't try to figure out what is on Z's mind. I tend to ask her questions rather than guessing.

I did talk to her today and told her that we can't have a friendship because of my feelings for her. It never would actually be a friendship under these conditions. She struggled with that idea. So, I asked her how she would feel if the situation were reversed. She acknowledged how hard and hurtful it would be. She also disclosed that she's been on the other side of this type of situation and it did hurt her badly.

All of this is happening at a particularly bad time because I have been feeling completely worthless and unlovable. The stuff with Z has just amplified it. I do understand that my feeling as I have been has been a contributing factor in how things have played out with her, and her actions have been a contributing factor to how I have been feeling.