I know soz and thanks but what I'm really trying to say is that I need to have faith in what I'm thinking and saying. I see myself as too young to know anything. And most adults are older than me so they have experience. But experience with what? Don't I have things to say that can resonate with someone?

I was talking to a woman in the hot tub with my mom today and my mom wanted me there because this womans daughter has an alcohol problem with possible psychosis. I gave a little insight but mostly I think she just wanted me to be there for her to listen.. although what I'd say, after all the drugs I've done.. it's deeper than that.. And I have to have faith that a lot of what people talk about, there's a deeper meaning to it that I can't talk about because of stigma and just the construct order of the way that culture is set up where I live.. I'd love to travel the world and see different cultures like how it's normal to talk about sadness etc in Portugal but also that's the place where all drugs are decriminalized... that brings my theory to something..

There's so much stigma about everything and what is being taught in schools is to not be offensive. My teacher said "Rape is natural for men" and it's also "Natural to terminate a baby" and that can be offensive to the man etc stuff like that.

I just wonder how offensive things can be and that maybe I need friends that are racist because it's hard to find people that are funny (Like you and some people here) where I can say things out of the ordinary...

I think I need friends that are like me in real life where I'm not afraid to say what's on my mind. I've never said what's on my mind. People always told me to shut up when I was a kid and before people thought I was hilarious.. it's different ways that things go and the cluster of colours in the world.. I can't take it... I can't become my own mind.. I think too much.