TheUrOther, I think you are so much in your own head with all this abuse you suffer that you are expecting others here to be right in your head with you when no one can do that.

No one is siding with your abusers, a high percentage of members here have been victims and do understand the challenge and would not want you to think they are saying abuse is acceptable on any level. It's damn hard when someone has so much abuse in their head and they wish they could somehow connect a camera to their brain so other people can witness it and get angry too. I have had that HUGE desire myself. I feel that words are not enough to articulate all the negative body language, the sneering that is done with others with that look "oh look at her she is a bad person". I really wish I could run a film from my brain to show people how my mother had a stroke that I just happened to witness and I am in the ER when my sister storms through the doors in front of all the people in that ER and accuses me of causing my mother to experience that stroke. NOT ONE PERSON protected me and she went in that examining room and the nurses did not want me to go in just so I could see how my mother was. Why the hell did they NOT DO THAT TO MY SISTER? It was her that came storming through the doors in a rage, NOT ME. Oh, I wish I could play that video out so people would really SEE what I am dealing with and how NO ONE helps me in EVERY DAMN experience. Even when my husband witnessed it, he stood there like a dummy. Oh there were so many times I experienced bad things and no one helped me or protected me. It did not even matter when there were witnesses. I did not do anything wrong either, and the power went to the abusive person.

I know the anger and I am sure others here wish they could really SHOW the people and the REAL LIFE scenario. With this kind of trauma, and it IS trauma that happens when being bullied AND trapped with that bully ALONE and EVEN with witnesses, there is a huge desire for "justice". It's so damn hard when the bully wins, when the bully gets their way even when others are there witnessing it.

I do not know why BULLIES get their way, it's something I have been wondering about all my life. I don't know if this is connected to our early primitive primate nature because if you watch primates this is the case where the bully gets their way. Bullies and abusers somehow KNOW who to gang up on and pick on too. The person they pick on isn't a bad person either usually. I don't want to tell you I don't believe you or that you don't have a right to feel the anger you feel. I do wish I could hand you some kind of video you could attach to your head so you could play it instead of struggling with words because it's really hard to find the words that can have the same affect as the actual picture. I get it, I get the anger and that deep desire for justice. And justice, no matter how hard you TRY doesn't happen, and that makes the anger even worse.

Thing is you have to be careful with all that anger that you have built up in you. Yes, it can be blinding. Yet it's important that you don't get SO ANGRY that you punish others who really don't deserve it. Just because someone isn't responding the way you need it, doesn't mean that person deserves to be hurt. More often than not, all it means is the other person just doesn't know. And often the truth about "why" others don't do something is they are afraid too. I have noticed times when my sister exhibits her negative body language and she walks down the hall of a hospital in disatisfaction and people literally HIDE from her. Oh, I wish I could show that video too.

It's ok to VENT your anger, but it's important that you don't hurt others when you do so. And sometimes if triggered, that can be hard and I think that is where you are now tbh. You keep thinking people are telling you to give in to your abuser and that is not what they are saying. I know how that can feel too and I am sure there are others that can relate. It really sounds like you have been bullied, been hurt, been victimized and no one HELPED YOU OR STOOD UP FOR YOU. That can feel VERY lonely and at the same time create a lot of anger and resentments. That is what your input so far has been reflecting that I am picking up and can even relate to.