You are a special, caring person. Enough people IRL don't know that.

Not knowing what you want to do in life is common. Sometimes you have to pick a direction that seems 'good enough' and see where it takes you. It doesn't have to be the perfect direction...I don't think there are any perfect directions. There are elements of boredom and uncertainty everywhere. Each path has obstacles and difficulties. It is the adjustments you make along the way that help you figure out the right place for you to end up.

Just my thoughts. I hope things get better for you soon.