My cognitive mind tells me that the only thing that can make me feel worthy and lovable is me. When I see my worth and lovableness, and have self-respect, things are different.

While chatting with Z and other friends tonight, I came to the realization that I respond to her differently...in ways that I would not normally, or that I want to...because so much of what I experience with her is reminiscent of my past. That's why I have been so comfortable with her. It is also why it hurts so much and has become so important to me. I suspect that my counselor would tell me that my seeking Z's attention is a substitute for seeking the attention from my mother that I never received.

Now, I just need to figure out how I tell her (and make it stick) that I have no desire to be friends with her. Man, I hate this!