Aloha fellow CPer"s!
I've discovered myself saying, "I'm so sick and tired or being sick and tired", at least ONCE a day lately. I think that my brain has started to turn to mush due to many factors from being in severe CP for 11 years now.

When my doctor first told me that I had herniated discs and some bulging ones, I really didn't think all that much of it. I figured a quick (and simple) operation and that would be that. I was only 41 and didn't have any experience with hospitals, doctors, nurses etc, because I'd always been healthy. Well, you can bet it didn't take long for the doctor to realize just how gullible I WAS and especially the fact that I had the best insurance one could get in Hawaii.

I've since learned that I was put through many unnecessary "tests" and procedures before and inbetween the 3 failed surgeries I had (a discectomy, anterior fusion and rods and screws to stabilize the whole mess). Then they had the gall to tell me there was nothing more they could do for me and that they recommended I "manage" my pain as best as I could while we all WAIT for medical technology to come up with something that will "fix me".

That's why the angry expression for a 'smilie'. You are so right. Pain is like a type of sandpaper that just slowly but surely wears down ones will and hope. Friends you thought you could count on in a time of need are almost the FIRST ones to disappear. The REAL shocker is discovering that the very family members you were convinced would "be there for you" start to distance themselves from you. We deal with so much pain every day, do we really need to deal with even more? I think not.

Yeah, I do know how tired of the pain you and so many others are. I just wanted to point out something that people who aren't in CP never need to think about. The fact that we all get so tired of the physical pain but because of THAT pain and how it totally changes our lives, we also need to find ways to cope with the emotional and mental pain that sometimes even worse! Of course I just have to mention the incredible amount of STRESS all of this has created.

I've been asking for an answer to just ONE question for almost a year now and no one can give me a solid answer. It's, "How does one learn to accept what's happened to us once it's become clear that we may never see that day when we really ARE "fixed"? Maybe there isn't any clear cut answer to it because to answer it like that would mean we'd have to give up that last ray of hope. None of us really wants to resign to that fact, correct?

All I do every day is just take it minute by minute, hour by hour, day after day, night after night, month after month, year after year and now, decade after decade! I don't like the "alternative" AT ALL, so...

Just remember to "hang loose" as much as you can and don't let all the negative stuff bother you. That's really all we can do for now.

Aloha For Now,
OG