((((((( Humpty Dumpty )))))))
I don’t think you’re an attention seeker. I think your pain and dilemma is real. I have reason not to trust doctors (sigh) (personal experiences with medical stuff and their words and other mistakes as well as psych :-( ) and I’m very scared of them now (sigh) ) (irl) I realise this may make me “unpopular” with a few. I’ve tried to have empathy for their lack of time etc. But their words etc still haunt and hurt me. I could of course judge myself and blame myself for all of it

And that could well push me closer to the “edge” or even off the edge if I relentlessly blame myself for not being a perfect “patient” or a “perfect person” (does such a specimen even exist )
(I live in the uk and someone told me its “every bit as bad” elsewhere. (I didn’t find that helpful ) Sadly I guess it is, for some

I guess I’m stuck too You have my sympathy

Sorry for the rant

I hope you find your way out As to how, I don’t know.. other than the standard recommendations which we both have heard many times. (mostly meaning meds :-( )