Yes Mopey, i moved out of my parents' house and living alone in my flat now. it was a huge disapponitment until i forced myself to find and create something positive out of it. its taking all my energies. but its working.

its friday, FINALLY!!!! and im going out with my friend for a pizza. this is a good enough reward for passing the week. and afterwards im going at my parents' for the weekend. i live the whole week in apnea and i finally can breathe after friday's nights.

today was harder at work. i was scared and SO insecure from the beginning. im wondering if i can continue like this. im not making any progresses with time. i wonder if i can go on and keep this job. i dont really like it but it gives me enough to live on my own. i wish i could have an easier job. this one is SO hard. but i guess i dont really have a choice. i'll keep sucking it up.

im realizing more and more what a selfish bi*ch i am. even here. i hate it, i hate myslef for it, i could try and change, but what is driving me is a huge fear. fear that anything and/or anyone would destroy the balance im trying to find with a light blow. even only one (wrong) word could do that. im so scared. but for now, i prefer being a selfish bi*ch if that keeps me alive.

Thanks anyone for reading