Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverTrees
Hello NeverHappy. Thanks for writing back. If you re-read my post, I never said you were selfish. I don't think that at all. And I would never call anyone on PC selfish..that's not a nice thing to call someone.
You DO have a right to feel how you feel. There are no wrong feelings.
You also have a right not to do favors for someone if you don't feel comfortable. If your sister is asking you for a favor and you feel like you'd "rather die" than do it, you could say something like: "I love you. And I am not comfortable doing this favor. If you need help with your boyfriend, you will need to ask someone else. I don't feel comfortable being in this situation."
I am sorry you are feeling mad and hard done by. That sounds really tough. I honestly was trying to help when I wrote to you; I am sorry if it didn't come across that way.
Here's a question: I know you love your sister and you are worried about her. Is it okay to ask what specifically you are worried about? What is the bad thing that you fear happening to her? If you'd rather not say, that's okay. I just thought maybe I could help you think it through.
Also, if you'd prefer not to hear from me again, I will respect your boundaries...just let me know and I will refrain from posting on your thread.
I wish you and your sister peace.  |
Thank you for following up, SilverTrees. When I said "I know what I said sounds selfish", I meant that my reply might sound selfish; I know that you weren't calling me selfish, and I knew that you were genuinely trying to help. I had no doubts there.
When I help my sister in situations like this, it's usually because even if I don't like it, atleast one person in the family should know her whereabouts(for safety reasons), who she's with and what she's doing(I try to be as diplomatic as possible in these situations, hoping she'd tell me everything), or atleast I Thought so until this happened. I worry that if they get back together, he might hurt her(emotionally, as of now). I don't feel that I'd rather die than do it; I said that I'd rather die instead of anything Bad happening to her(or her doing anything stupid again). I remember my mom telling me that she was in her apartment in Italy alone and crying and was in a gloomy(much more intense than gloomy) mood for days or even weeks on end because he was saying "you abandoned me and went away to Italy " often. I would hate for that to happen again. I was, and still am afraid that this would happen again.
And I was afraid that he might blackmail her, emotionally or otherwise. This one sounded more appealing when I heard the words(or misheard) my mom saying "do you want to report to the police?" and my sister saying "no". And when me and my mom were going out to run some errands, she was telling saying to mom "don't tell him"(no, I wasn't eavesdropping; our rooms are infront of one another).
I knew you were trying to help, but I just had a problem with this concept of helping them and not having the right to ask them about it. Atleast that's how I see it.
I would definitely prefer hearing from you again; there were no bad feelings to begin with
I hope this clears the air a bit.
I wish you good luck in helping yourself and others get through tough times