I feel that suicidal thoughts creep up pretty often even when things go okay for me. I think I've just been in this mindset so long that it's my natural go-to position when a face adversity. I've been really low and certain I wouldn't survive and come through it, and I guess it could happen again, but I prefer not to think about it. But a general sadness has been with me for many years, sometimes it's devastating, sometimes less so. But I guess it'll always be there.