Thank you for the kind follow-up, NeverHappy. May I ask how old your sister is? I'm a bit confused. If she's old enough to travel alone to another country such as Italy, why is there a need for at least one family member to know her whereabouts at all times? Did I misunderstand? Did she travel to Italy with your parents?

I honestly don't think it's possible, even with great love and the best of intentions, to make choices for other adult family members. Children are a different story; that's why I asked your sister's age. But as children get older, I believe the parental role should be to prepare them for life as independent adults....making their own judgments and decisions.

I'll share some background here. I was raised by two extremely strict parents. They did not agree with the model of parenting which I just expressed above. They were authoritarian. I was told what to do and when and heaven help me if I disagreed or asked a question. There was no how or why or discussion. My mother believed that if she kept her children in an extremely small tightly-monitored bubble, that somehow they would reach adulthood, leave the bubble and everything would be fine. It was suffocating! I couldn't wait to move as far away as possible.

So there's that side of it, a parent can unwittingly drive away the child they are trying to protect. The other side is that humans don't learn to make safe and reasonable decisions by always having decisions made for them. Do you see what I mean? At some point, young adults need to figure out how to make their own choices about healthy eating and drinking, for example. Parents can hide away any form of junk food, candy, or alcohol but one day a young adult will encounter these things out there in the world...so they need to learn how to make responsible choices.

Another example is sex. My mother pretended it did not exist....it was not a word or consideration in the bubble she forced her children into. There was no "talk" or any form of sex education or even basic education on sexual health. So then what happened when we encountered sex later? Were we adequately prepared?

I am not at all suggesting that you or your parents are like my parents. I just wanted to provide an example, from my own life, of how trying to choose for family members can have the opposite outcome of the one intended.

If you are interested in research, NeverHappy, you may like to read about authoritarian parents and later outcomes for their adult children. There's a major impact on the child's sense of agency.

Just some ideas for you. I can tell you are very stressed about this issue with your sister. I am so sorry that you're having a tough time.