I just happened on this thread. And I doubt I would have any words of wisdom to offer that haven't already been written here. But I wanted to add my support.

I also thought I would say that I know all about not being able to ask for help... not being able to share what's going on with me. I grew up at a time, & in a place, where you "didn't wash your dirty laundry in public." (Perhaps this is how you grew up too?) Somehow I learned, at a very early age, that there were things about myself I must never tell anyone. And so I didn't.

Over the decades a bit of my true self has leaked out despite my best efforts. But even there I've done my best to sneak back into the closet, so to speak, & close the door. I even find it almost impossible to share anything of any real consequence here on PC. And when I do, on occasion, I become embarrassed & pretty-much just shut down.

I don't know how one overcomes this. But my hope for you is that, in some way, you will be able to find a way to do so. My fondest wishes are with you...