Still sliding. Managed to see family today. Enjoyed most of it. Still felt lost when I came home. Hip injury annoying me but I don’t think that’s the problem. Still in self destruct mode. Took alcohol with Ativan again but with food this time so didn’t pass out. Most of the day I’ve been extremely emotional and reactive. Upsetting my partner, or worrying him more to the point. I just explode at times from the overflow of emotion. Dark thoughts plague me. I’m worried about how detailed I am. Still, it seems like a safety net should I get that bad in the future. I want to live. My head is spinning. I need to find a safe path through to where I’m meant to be.