That is all very awful.

I'm not sure what to tell you, but if she's not even in it for the kids anymore, I wonder how that's going to affect them.

It sounds like you're doing everything you can.

I don't like confrontation, either, but I would think that you both need some about now. She might have lost some respect for you if you never stand up to her.

I would guess that her online obsession is simply there to avoid dealing with the reality of her condition.

Maybe you should confront her about this and make it known that it is getting her nowhere. I would also suggest asking her how her presence around the house is affecting the kids.

Regarding money, I would confront her with that, too. It's an important matter that affects you all. Again, especially the kids.

Where does she think she'll go if she leaves? Do you think she can even hold a job?