Finally completely lost control today. Ran out the door telling my partner 'goodbye'. I was EXTREMELY emotional. I want to live but this emotional turmoil is so powerful I can barely stop myself. I'm terrified. As its a Sunday I can't really get in contact with T, though I did text him. I wasn't safe at all but have calmed down a bit. I keep swinging though. My partner was going home today but is staying with me. I feel terrible for the stress and hurt I have put him through. I don't know what is going on. Trauma possibly? Doesn't seem mixed. No exactly depressed and no manic symptoms.

I so can't go IP right now. I have physical rehab to do ... and I hate it, and I only got out mid February. I'm trying to reign it in but it catches me of guard. I lose my s*** so quickly over nothing then am propelled into the stratosphere. Suddenly the self destruct button is hit and Im in trouble. This started a week ago and is just getting worse. Hopefully my T will get back to me tomorrow with some ideas. I know I am in danger some of the time but really don't want to be IP. What am I supposed to do?