My Support Forums - View Single Post - Dear T: I really need to tell you something XXXIX

chihirochild · Mar 17, 2019, 05:20 PM

Dear T (you've been upgraded from HWMNBN... don't let it go to your head),

Thank you for telling me that I hurt your feelings. (Thanks for giving enough of a crap about me that it's possible for me to hurt your feelings.) Thank you for emailing me when you got worried that telling me that had freaked me out. (It hadn't, but thanks for giving enough of a crap about me that you worry if you think you've freaked me out.)

Anyway. Even though I hate you less, and actually appreciate a lot of what you've done recently,

Possible trigger:

that doesn't change the fact that I am currently really overwhelmed and very much want to hurt myself. But I agreed to call you before I SH. And I want to call you because the last time I called you when I was feeling acutely suicidal, you were actually very comforting. (Though the first two times we talked on the phone it made me hate you with the force of a thousand blazing suns, so there's that...) But I can probably hold off a little bit longer, maybe even long enough to go to sleep... and I shouldn't call you unless it's an emergency.

I just wish I could regulate my moods like a normal person. This shirt is effing *exhausting*.

-c

P.S. Btw I think you've got it in your head that there's some element of erotic transference going on. I personally am totally unaware of having any erotic feelings for you, so if it's going on it's completely unconscious on my end. (I hope to God that there isn't any erotic countertransference going on... I would never put it like this to your face but *ick* *ew* *gross*.)