I just found the word....disenfranchised. Granted my Gram is still here on this Earth, my T said something... It's like she's not because she isn't how she had been nor how I remember. I'm quite withdrawn in some ways and trying to maintain 'connectedness' with others. I'm struggling and I know I am. Nevermind the fact that this drudges up that void in my heart for my mother. All the while wanting to sleep it away but cannot so cranky on some levels. Which forces some of the withdrawal lest I become short/cross/snappy/impatient.