T finally got back to me after my distress call text. It was 4.30 pm. He asked me to contact my pdoc to get emergency appointment. I called but no appointments available. Receptionist sent a message to pdoc to see if he could squeeze me in. I haven’t heard back. I’m barely coping. Anxiety is extraordinary. I’m self destructive and all over the place. Trying to hold it together. Just took night meds and am desperately hoping I will be asleep soon and stay asleep. It is 7.15 pm. I’ve taken up smoking which is really odd for me. Just trying to calm down I guess. I don’t know what’s wrong. Trauma? I’m scared. I don’t know what to do. This is hell. I can only hope I will sleep as I’ve struggled lately. I can’t stand being awake any longer. I’m scared.