Lately all he says to anything is “I don’t know”. He doesn’t know if he wants to be in a relationship. He doesn’t know what will make him happy. He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know what he wants. It’s like he chooses to just... exist. Alone. In his own world. He snaps at me constantly. Unless we’re watching tv together, he’s brooding. He takes drives to “think” almost every day. And keep in mind I’m at work all day. He is home all day. Alone. Doing whatever it is he does. And I come home at 6 and I get maybe 2-3 hours with him. And that amount of time is too much. He has to leave to think.

I don’t know what to do anymore. He’s upset all the time. He won’t get help. And I’m trying so hard to stay upbeat and happy and just.... get through this. Because I’m still working full time. We’re still moving to a new house. I’m having to put up fences and run water lines and coordinate contract work. And meanwhile he just sits. I asked him if he could help box some more things and he told me he refuses to do it until I’m here to help because it’s all “my $***”. But I don’t notice him calling it mine when he is using it. When he damages it and shrugs. When we got together he had nothing. I had everything. And he punishes me for it. Like my having furniture and utensils and appliances etc was a slight against him. I had these things before I even knew him. How the heck can I fix that?

I’m just so tired. I’m exhausted. The other night I really struggled with my own ideation. Which of course spiraled him when I was feeling upset. I’m not even allowed to be upset or frustrated anymore.

I’m really so tired.