The soldiers got me thinking really hard about this.. I don't have schizophrenia because the injection kills my personality and what makes me ME. Although it could be negative symptoms which the injection doesn't work for anyways. Although I have amazing writing skills. I just can't talk and when I do talk in psychosis, I make good points and come up with good ideas. I don't know what all that paranoia was about but I know some people with psychosis can deal with it without medication. I want to be one of those people. My family can deal with me being "Crazy". One of the soldiers said "I'm crazy, so what? Deal with it" and he said to do what IIIIII want to do. Not to let doctors decide this life for me. I want to take control of my life. I'm not sick for wanting to stop the injection. It's been long years of medicated and I don't want any more.

I just talked to my sister and she reassured me but I still want to lower the injection. Blue bird did it then went back on antipsychotic. But she lasted a year. Maybe I can last longer and forever.. idk idk..

I'm really confused and don't know what is real. How did that soldier pass the psych test to get in the army? Things like that I have to think about. Then one person joined the room and said how can I not listen to doctors and he called him stupid.

I'm just mainly really pissed off about my negative symptoms. They called me a zombie because he could say more words than I can.

I told my mom to believe me that I'm not sick. My injection is on Thursday so maybe that's why I'm denying I'm sick? That's crazy.. how is that possible that my mind can play tricks on me like this. My mom said if I stop the injection, I won't be able to function but she has to believe me idk maybe I can't function without it but I am very curious to see...

It's not fair..