My Support Forums - View Single Post - ever received a 2nd (or more) opinion, did you disclose bipolar dx from previous?

beauflow · Mar 19, 2019, 12:53 AM

Many thanks to all of you for sharing, it is appreciated.

PC in their archives and some past posts have my predicament.

If any are interested - to me it makes sense of why I question it.
In short-
Yes, have been aware that many diagnosis overlap with one another.
I am also very aware that what one treatment plan helps one, may not another.
I have seen 4 Pdocs already.
And I am a trip, i have already done what I asked- silly me.

Possible trigger:

Pdocs
have seen 4 pdocs
If I see another it will be the fifth pdoc.
(Core beliefs and past things shortly noted below)

Previous Pdocs - Comorbid diagnosis- but Bipolar is a constant, in exception of one*

Podc#4 (Nov '17) in same mental health center as pdoc#2 and #1
#4 I was probably the most honest with (I Told her something that I did not tell the others- which counted a tick to her bipolar diagnosis). Told her of the elementary memory. *I also told her and the T i was seeing at the time, of Pdoc#3 visit and not being honest*.
I debated (not argued with) that I was not bipolar, but I did understand the PTSD and what some said BPD traits-... But she had explained her reasoning of her professional opinion, in a way that I did understand at the time, of why bipolar... She also mentioned that no matter what route I went it is all about management.. but at the time I wanted to TRY ONE MORE TIME to manage.

guess my one more time is up.

*Pdoc #3 (May '17)-
Dx- Major Depression disorder with Anxiety... and No, I had not been fully honest with this one, as that Core belief #1 had been triggered.
I will try to keep this short:
I had not told them of all the previous diagnosis label. Had told them a lot, but I did not tell them everything-
I refused medication once captive (if you get to Pdoc#2 explains a bit why)..I had not mentioned that to them though.
I was afraid they would keep me longer, either way of not taking drugs and taking drugs.. and I was more worried of losing my job, not having insurance and expressed that.
And - after I was allowed to go, I felt I needed to stay. In retrospect, I was so focused on getting out that I lost sight of them trying to help me.
the very next morning, not even a full 24 hours I went to the mental health center (out patient), where pdoc#4 was; as I couldn't keep it together.
Dumb luck with work.... because while I did not tell them of what was going on, -- I think some knew..

pdoc#2 (Early 2012) - was the one that I saw, after saying I wanted a second pdoc from the same health center.
Pdoc#2 verbally told me that she agreed with me at the time, that it was just PTSD and gave me just lamactal saying it would help- (which I lost more of myself and any progress I felt- started self harm again on that, locking myself up in rooms, my paranoid thoughts that come naturally, got worse). It is a fuzzy time but I recall those things.
stopped taking it and quit therapy. In the end T told me "if you don't take the medicine you will never be better", which at the time, really caught "a hair trigger" on fire.// I remembered I cried so hard my nose was bleeding and felt utterly hopeless... but , I have a pretty solid "**** it lets live as we can" moto that comes up strong.

I found out from #4 pdoc that they kept the comorbid diagnosis of Bipolar with PTSD- both pdoc#1 and #2 - on their records.

Podc#1 August 2011- I was honest but fearful as well, told them of what I believed my swings, a few family members that had been dx'ed professionally at some point...
that pdoc#1 told me, he wanted to put me on lithium and another drug- but yet verbally told me I was not bipolar. I asked why the cocktail then, and refused drugs but accepted therapy.

T did not help a whole lot -- but yes she did help a little.. That Therapist I stayed with for a year (so saw pdoc#2 while with that T).

By 2011 I had also been clean from all street drugs for at least 2 years. Even though I had been cleaned up, I checked in as I was having sui/struggles/cycles in a way still, my ex (at the time my s/o) was concerned and encouraged me to go in. He has seen me this whole time, and agrees he understands why I get diagnosed bipolar.

I was very adamant that did not want to just start popping pills... I really had hoped therapy would assist.. and some has, no doubt there from me on that..
and hitting 8 years later- a few months ago I was ready to take pills and start a treatment, and today I wonder ... I am feeling a bit better from the last few weeks/ months..

_____________________

why such resistance- perhaps some core beliefs have some merit to this.
core beliefs with this struggle- as I can see today- where they may intertwine.

I grew up with others that were not diagnosed or diagnosed after things got pretty bad... I believe some others can relate. Also self medicating was accepted in my upbringing.

1) "Don't ever let a psychiatrist get their hands on you, as they will keep you/lock you up" ... My dad used to say that to me, when I had some really off the wall moments as a kid.

Enforced with- yes, a sibling did get locked up and forced to take drugs (prison- I was 8/9).

2) The MI and all is to make money // their drugs are going to just damage//control

Partial Enforced with- yes, as a teenager my mother would go get antidepressants from general doc (yes she would get depressed) and get very chaotic - more so than the usual.. that doctor i felt was a pill pusher.
Control- see "enforced" reason one.

3) that I just needed to try harder.

-I like to think that one has helped some times, but also has damaged as my last T talked on..
when I was in elementary school and being told by father ADHD was a made up diagnosis, after some test were preformed , I can only assume today it was due to struggles in school- I recall being in special classes for reading and speech.
I remember sitting in the back seat and him telling me I just needed to try harder while leaving the building (my mother was harsher but lets not go to that).

Among other things.

I was a teenager that many people believed that I was on drugs but I was not....I had not taken anything till I was 18- made a rule with myself, had to graduate first.
I don't regret my drug history, because for me- it was part of the journey; this is not to say I would go get an 8ball and snort it all night again. And it is not to say I would encourage another to go that path... but it was mine.

Yes cannabis is the only thing that has stuck around- which I have taken breaks and life is always more chaotic when "I am clean"...
I have learned also certain strains, they make me worse.. Alcohol I feel has more set backs for me, but that is me...

Breaking this down, i am not sure if it assists me or not... after breaking this down, why don't I take a treattment- how can I still question this... idk why, ...because - I don't feel I fit in with most on this, I also worry if it is all a misunderstanding at times... I also get confused why can't I get a grip of this, and keep wondering what is it that I am missing.