I'm going to try and tell my doctor everything today. I really need help. He will probably stop prescribing ADHD meds. I won't be able to focus. He might stop prescribing Ativan. I will have more panic attacks. I had a panic attack last night and it was a really bad one. I drank an energy drink today because I don't care anymore. I don't care if I have a panic attack because I'm sick of them. I'm completely retarded when I have a panic attack and all I can say is "I'm going to die" or "My heart is going to stop" even though it's beating completely fine or "I'm going to disappear and become God or see God" even though I don't believe in God.

I don't know what to say or what to do. I could have a panic attack today i don't know and I don't care. I just want to function but I still want to stop the injection because I forget what it's like without it and I just want to not be a zombie and have a good life. I'm struggling really bad and I took abuse from the soldiers on video chat and I kind of still believe what they're saying because I'm not sick etc.. but I am.. but the psychiatrists could be spies.. I don't know..

I hate everything