Damn it T, this sucks and it hurts and now I can’t even look at you. I can’t stop crying and I do not want to call or email you... this would be a call... I don’t want to call you. I’m afraid of your voicemail saying you are away, hearing Your voice say you were gone would totally suck. I’d totally loose it if you answered and if your voicemail doesn’t say you are gone then I know for sure you’d call. I know you didn’t mean to open this box before you left, it came up and I honestly don’t think you expected me to be open to it... if anything you only planned on putting it out there so I wouldn’t be blindsided when you wanted to talk about it. I know you would never knowingly open up something painful then go away. I know you don’t want me to hurt, at least not more than is absolutely unavoidable...
or is this just H making my life hell again because you are gone? The last time you were gone there were problems too. Damn it T just quit going away. I want to sleep on the couch in the waiting room... but then I know I wouldn’t sleep, I’d be crying all night. Why do you have to live up to the Fr transference T? Why does Fr. have to be “gone” right now too?
6 more days...