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I think by taking the hippo to the ER, you were taking a piece of your T. By him asking for the hippo back, in a sense, he was asking for a piece of himself back from you.

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Exactly. We talked about that a little but not much. I told him I used it to help me feel his presence. I will mention it again on Tuesday but I don't think I want it now. It just doesn't have the same meaning to me anymore.

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I don't necessarily think that your T is a jackass

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You sound like you're teetering here. Like he may NOT be a jackass, but he may. (LOL) I'm going to pick the may because I'm planning on buying him a donkey to go with his hippo. I wish I had thought about it before I gave it back, though. I liked the idea written above about using him for ransom. I could have sent him a picture and said, "Apologize or else." If no apology came, I could send him first an ear, then a tooth, etc. Now that would have been therapeutical. What a great idea, LOL.

I definitely think he had a right to be angry. He at first told me that he did not like what I did. The next session, he told me about how angry he was that I did it there and that it affected his staff. I'm having so much difficulty expressing how I feel and getting it across. And that day it happened I was so impulsive and devastated, but I still could have handled it differently. I felt horrible after it happened for many reasons. T just made me feel more guilty and more ashamed. As far as his staff goes, I felt totally jealous when he "protected" them. He noticed this and asked if I felt he cared for them more than for me. I absolutely felt that way and still do. As far as I'm concerned at this point, the staff are equivalent to other clients of his. But, at least I don't have to see their assprint on the couch, LOL. I'm trying to stay positive here

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Like my T would say, "It's not good, it's not bad, it just is..."

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And as mine would say, "It's just grist for the mill." (I think he was the one who said that.)

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And I urge you to forge on to therapy on Tuesday and begin to deal with things with your T as they are.

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And forge on I shall, with a donkey in hand.

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I think it is important to treat it like that instead of focusing on who wants to terminate who.

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I didn't realize I was doing this. Point well taken BUT if any terminating is to be done I will be THE TERMINATOR.

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Good luck with your session on Tuesday. Please try to keep yourself safe.

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Thanks! I shall do my best.