Saw T. He thinks I am in a mixed state. It shocked me as I thought it was anxiety from trauma. I explained that this is exactly how I felt when I had full blown PTSD and no Bipolar diagnosis. He said I was probably misdiagnosed although agrees I had severe PTSD (he saw it) but also Bipolar at the time which no one picked up.

Now I am deeply concerned as I feel I can't tolerate another mixed episode. I am just too vulnerable from my last mixed with psychosis that abated mid February. That is what traumatised me. He thinks my swings from calm and happy (not hypo) to wildly suicidal plus other symptoms show intense agitation. I explained I am not depressed or manic so it doesn't make sense. He said just the agitation and swings, and intense mood states at times point to Bipolar mixed, plus some trauma reactions. Great. This just can't be happening. Right now (2pm) I am happily listening to music but I tend to disintegrate as the day progresses.

Tomorrow I see my pdoc. Hopefully he can come up with some meds that will quickly snap me out of this. All my meds are held at the pharmacy so I cannot give myself PRN. So annoying but I understand why he did this in February. I just can't imagine what he can do with me already maxed out on three great meds. Maybe PRN antipsychotic like Haldol or something. Idk. Weird thinking about this while feeling so good. Although I have been out of control at times, and put my life in danger I don't think its time for IP. I hope he agrees as I will dig my heels in.