celeste, you speak well! This is just the place to make posts like that. Welcome to psychcentral, you've come to a good place in your life.

Much of what you say is the depression talking, telling you lies. I know, because I also have major depression... but when I'm in it's strongest grip, I can't see any of this to be true... only the bad, only the darkness... please rely upon those who tell you truth, and wish to help you here... come back and post often, ok? This is the best support site you will find!