Hi mountainstream,

I'm assuming you do nothing to deserve being "torn down with words". I hope it isn't on the verge or even fully verbally abusive. That's not right and she must be told about that. That's not to say we don't do things that anger, frustrate, or hurt people sometimes. In those cases, feedback should be welcome, but presented in a measured appropriate way. However, if you truly can't see any possible justifiable or significant wrong, then it's highly likely that your friend may have some bipolar irritability involved, may have some anger management issues, or is stressed out about other things and perhaps directing the stress to others inappropriately and unhealthily.

I have bipolar type 1, and grandiosity and irritability were absolutely major symptoms at times for me. These symptoms can also be experienced by people with bipolar type 2 and Cyclothymia. And yet, not all people with bipolar disorder experience all of the same symptoms. Perhaps some are never really grandiose or some have hyperspending (as examples), while others do during episodes.

You should not accept any level of verbal abuse. Your friend needs to know that her words have hurt you and/or were unjustified. If you can, please let her know this firmly, but also calmly with concern. She should be providing any feedback to you in a similar way.

The day before my first hospitalization, I was almost fired from my career job. My behavior had been outrageous. I had actually had an official bipolar diagnosis the year before, but rejected it and treatment. It was only on that day that I used "I have manic depression (aka bipolar disorder)" as an excuse, out of nowhere. I remember the Director of Human Resources saying "That doesn't matter!" His statement pissed me off for a long time, but eventually I realized he was right. I wasn't accepting treatment, so it was my fault that my behavior was so out of hand. It was my responsibility to try to have that behavior calmed/managed.

Your friend may actually be receiving treatment for bipolar disorder. Unfortunately, even despite bipolar treatment, bipolar episodes can still happen. Often there is a lack of insight into those times. In these cases, we need help gaining insight. I know sometimes I have to be told my behavior is inappropriate, and to get help. Those that care about me have been very tolerant at times, but it is understandable in some cases, when they need to distance themselves from me until I'm better. Even if anger management was my only issue (and not a diagnosable disorder), the same thing should apply.

Please be understandable with your friend, but don't accept any verbal abuse. Doing so can sometimes be an enabling behavior, which in the end hurts all involved.