<font color="purple"> To be perfectly honest I don't know why I joined this website. I suppose it was out of annoyance and perhaps a bit of hope. I gave in and searched the net for answers, and when I came upon a page about Bipolar disorder I saw myself looking back at me through the jumbled up words and list of symptoms. I have always been this way but recently after the life line I found in a friend moved half way across the world I found my mental state growing worse. Before I would act irrationally and of course grow angry for no obvious reason. However lately I've had this heavy mass on my shoulders and dull feeling through out my brain. I once wrote beautifully without much thought, now I am lucky if I get a few sentences out after a long night of writing. Nothing seems to help, not even listening to music or going out with friends, the dull feeling always remains. I would compare it to being a lucid zombie, not alive but aware of your existence and actions.

Then at random I will get a spark and create something amazingly beautiful or become extremely hyper and talkative. Yet, within a few hours the feeling is gone and I go back to the living dead feeling again.

I'm unsure of what to do, going to a therapist seems a bit pricey and I hate the idea of indulging in self pity as I have seen others do in my situation. I already have asthma, I don't need another crutch or reason that I can't function normally.

I don't know what I want, I suppose just some support and suggestions. If you're reading this thank you for enduring my ramblings, and if you can help me in any way I'd appreciate it. </font>