Dear T,
OK, I think I can get through tonight without doing any of those things, including emailing you. Maybe I just had to type it all out. And, I don't know, think about you reading it. Like, how you'd feel reading that first part. And that helped me realize how screwed up my thinking is at the moment. Plus I'm really tired. I think I mostly need sleep. If I still feel really bad in the morning, maybe I'll consider emailing you then, I don't know. But I at least need to try to get through it on my own first.
Love you,
LT