Wow, sorry to hear that. My sister and brother are both manipulative (the family therapist called their behavior 'triangulation' during one session we all had to attend after our father's death, b/c our mother is mentally ill and was spending his insurance money willy nilly and acting crazy, so we did family therapy for 6 weeks before they all quit when the family therapist called out their manipulative behavior).

I hope you aren't in contact with her anymore, this family member?

i am reading up a lot on emotional unavailability and narcissism. I found this list of 15 types of verbal abuse on psychology today's website:

15 Common Forms of Verbal Abuse in Relationships | Psychology Today