I know how you feel. When my father passed away, we were all in the room watching him take his last breaths. But then after he died, my two siblings ran to the downstairs, and my mother ran into her room, leaving me with the hospice care worker who'd I had shoved minutes before, when he tried to prevent me from getting into my father's bedroom to see that he had minutes left (I don't know why the hospice worker acted this way but we got into quite a physical altercation and I'm a petite woman and he was a tall black guy).

I had to call the mortician phone number to have my dad's body picked up, and I had to call the hospice care company and file a formal complaint (turns out, nothing happened to this ahole, he wasn't cited or anything for trying to prevent family members from seeing my dad before he died, which is precisely what he was trying to do b/c he's an ahole).

So, while my cowardly family members ran and hid, Blanche, 21 years old at the time, had to handle the ugly, real side of death and watch my father's dead body be carried out of our house on a stretcher and everything.

I am reading a really helpful book now about growing up in a narcissistic family and the types of coping skills that develop in children as a result, and it's really helping me to identify why I attract narcissists, and techniques I can try to use to avoid falling into narcissists' traps as their friend and how to avoid dating them.

That guy I posted about, for sure, has narcissist traits and I live by labels, so it's helpful for me to use labels. I can see now, he was giving me attention NOT affection, and I misinterpreted his attention (which was fake) as affection b/c of my childhood patterns based on emotionally neglectful parents, triangulation and the coping mechanisms and dysfunctional beliefs I developed (people only like me if i do something for them/help them, is one dysfunctional belief, i.e. subjugation which is about putting yourself and your needs aside so you can make the other person feel superior to you).