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sidony said:
What's wrong with me?! I don't even want to sleep with T (seriously I'm not fantasizing about sex with him). But I want him and anyone in my group and anyone else to find me attractive. It's like I think I can make up for my other lacks if they at least see me as attractive.

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That's similar to how I feel. I'm not attracted to my pdoc. I have daddy feelings for him instead of romantic or erotic feelings. Plus, I'm a lesbian. Yet I want him to think I'm attractive. It's because I have low self-esteem issues. I've been told all my life by my mother that I'm stupid, lazy, etc but everyone has always complemented me for being naturally attractive and thin. I feel like my attractiveness is my one positive attribute. It's the one thing I'm good at and I don't even have to work hard at it. It makes me feel better about myself. I look up to my pdoc and I'm jealous of him for being so smart, sensitive and perfect so I want him to see me as attractive. It makes me feel less worthless.