Quote:
Originally Posted by ennie
My counselor was so excited for me!
Now, this was a relatively new person in my life, whom I had not established an expectation in her mind that I would always say "Yes." She is also not likely to retaliate. So I feel that I've dealt with an easy case for a start.
I still need to learn how to say "No" to someone who has been accustomed to my "Yes" for many years, whom I fear retaliation from based on the history. Any tips?
|
Last year (or maybe the year before), my counselor was also happy for me when I started walking away (saying "No" to listening to lectures for hours). Mostly, this person no longer does this and if he does because it is a heated moment, I can walk away again when I know it is getting to be too much. For the most part, people treat you the way you demand to be treated.
If there is someone in your life who retaliates when you say "No" then you need to take measures to protect yourself from them. They should not have access to your property and, hopefully, you can remove yourself from them. If it is a coworker that works in the cubicle next to you then when they retaliate, perhaps use what has been done to ask for your desk to be moved? If it is a family member, see them much less often?
When you say "No" to people, it sometimes reveals who they really are. If you have been saying "Yes" for many years, they will be upset at first but if they love you, after a while, they will accept the new boundary. If they aren't loving in a healthy way then they will only be "loving" when they get their own way. I think we say "Yes" to everyone because we have learned to priortize others rather than ourselves. It is a form of disrespect for ourselves.
